ProgressOhio

Well - here we are. Twentyfour hours or so since we were spontaneously generated from the blood that's still flowing after many of us decisively cut Mark Dann loose. The DINOastic moral codes that we we beg others to define for us are sought out indirectly by each of us on our knees. Each of us has been assigned his and her own "baker's dozen" of lobbyists. Since we are so new, we shall all wear name tags bearing our first, middle, maiden names (if applicable)as well as last names along with our Ohio Bureau of Motor Vehicles Drivers' License numbers. Our lobbyists that I referred to above must wear their name tags also which display only their first and last names. Each male lobbyist's name tag must display his name prominently which is "John Doe." Each female lobbyist's name tag must display her name prominently which is "Jane Doe." If any Repo-dthem (the "d" is silent) notices any lobbyist NOT wearing these very specific name tags we strongly advise you NOT TO SAY ANYTHING TO THE LOBBYIST NOT BEARING THE NAMES JOHN DOE AND/OR JANE DOE about the absent appellation. Quietly slip out the door. The second you arrive home is the time to act preemptively. Get out the yellow pages. Locate and immediately provide a generous retainer fee for hiring your own personal Tax attorney who must be a Certified Public Accountant. We advise that you request to see all the business cards that your attorney carries. We care about you as do each and every one of our lobbyists - we want you to enjoy your time volunteering in the party - as opposed to serving time. Now that we have acknowledged our forthrighteousness, we can party on at our first event!
It's our very own fundraiser. We need to hurry this along with contributions of cash and money orders. (Please - no checks or credit cards). This star - studded event will enable us to put all "baker's dozen" lobbyists on retainer. The other critical purchase we need to make is for mass quantities of kneepads. We don't want you to sue us for crippling you. The official color of all products labeled with our Party Name, "Rep-dthems(the "d" is silent)TM pending is yellow. If you prove that you're a hit with the lobbyists, we'll elevate your status and permit you to wear kneepads of a sickly green shade that we shall purchase especially for you.

Time to jump into the swift boat everybody!

Your Executive Director,

Jane Schiff