ProgressOhio

Now that the bratwurst is still fresh in my colon, I want to tell you about my little July 4th prank.

I live in a community known for its uppity attitude, overly remodeled homes, lack of diversity and petty disputes (zoning, trash collection). Other than those things, I like living here a lot.

Here in Uppityville, the 4th of July parade is a mighty big deal. I appreciate the parade heritage, having ridden my crepe-paper decorated bike very slowly in the parade back in the '60s. Now that I live close to the parade route, I wouldn't miss the Spirit of 76, the Tin Lizzy Patrol (where can I get a fez?), the old-timers harmonica band and the neighborhood floats. (Special thumbs up to the Grove City marching band for their repeat good performances.)

In fact, I am unabashedly patriotic to the point of being geeky. I throw kisses to veterans and display not only American flags in my yard, but also an Ohio flag. And a fine flag it is.

So, I like the parade as much as anyone, perhaps more so. With that said, I have become disturbed by a trend I've noticed. More and more areas of the parade route were being penned off with stakes and rope in an effort to reserve private viewing areas. By July 2, about half of the curbside areas were a tangle of twine, yellow caution tape and lawn chairs. By July 3 evening, three-quarters of the good spots were "taken."

But by dawn July 4th, all ropes were down. Snip, snip. Tee-hee.

From a safety standpoint, some little kid was likely to be literally clotheslined by these human pen constructions. But that's not why I did it. I overturned sawhorses, pulled up stakes and cut dozens of ropes because I wanted people to feel embarrassed by their piggish, territorial behavior.

I didn't disturb anyone's lawn chair in the hopes that these were reserved for grandma. I didn't mess with anyone's construction on private property (only the easement area) or the marked "Class of 53" viewing area. I pulled some lawn chairs out of the street that had blown over.

Many people witnessed my snipping session, including a cop (if he was paying attention), city workers, dog walkers and bicyclists. A teenage boy yelled out of his window "Why did you cut that?" I was kind of embarrassed to be caught by a kid, so I just put my hands up in a "guilty as charged" gesture and kept walking. A woman about my age asked "Is there a purpose in what you're doing?" I replied, "It's public property." I have to give both of these people credit -- they didn't confront me, they just asked reasonable questions. Funny how full-grown men shy away from menopausal women carrying scissors.

It remains to be seen if my protest against "me first" behavior at the parade had any impact. I heard a girl whining about her ruined jump rope, but that's about it. I saw a municipal court judge that I know at the parade and told her about my exploits. She couldn't think of any laws I had violated. So if I didn't make my point this year, I'll be back.

As an added touch, I posted a small sign near a schoolyard along the parade route with the lyrics of This Land is Your Land by Woody Guthrie. This patriotic song holds up even though it's more than 50 years old.

The fourth verse is my favorite....

As I was walkin'  -  I saw a sign there
And that sign said - no tress passin'
But on the other side  .... it didn't say nothin!
Now that side was made for you and me!

The last verse is chilling...and a reminder that protest is patriotic!

In the squares of the city - In the shadow of the steeple
Near the relief office - I see my people
And some are grumblin' and some are wonderin'
If this land's still made for you and me.