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| Also listed in: Female political bloggers |
Categories: Civil Liberties/Privacy, Property Rights, Humor & Sarcasm, Front Page
Now that the Supremes have ruled that guns are for everyone, of course, I want one too.
Why do I need a gun when I am privileged to live in a safe, affluent neighborhood? Couple of reasons. While I'm glad that our house has no garish copper downspouts or gutters, we do have copper pipes and thefts have been rampant lately. I want to protect my home like everyone else.
Also, my neighbor collects guns. I have a good relationship with all my other neighbors except this guy. He's sullen and unfriendly. I only know he has over 70 guns in his house because his ex-wife told me. They were removed from his home when she had a protection order against him. Now that they're divorced, he's got his firepower back and there's nothing I can do about it except worry....And get a really powerful handgun to protect myself.
I'm a petite middle-aged woman with virtually no gun handling experience. Clearly, a stun gun is insufficient defense against my neighbor's suburban arsenal.
Because I admire Clint Eastwood (Have you seen The Bridges of Madison County? Lovely movie), I was thinking of getting a .44 Magnum -- "the most powerful handgun in the world" -- just like his Dirty Harry character.
This surely will impress my neighbor, copper thieves, solicitors, proselytizers and Trick-or-Treaters.
Happiness Is A Warm Gun
(John Lennon, Paul McCartney)
Lead Vocal: John Lennon
She's not a girl who misses much
Do do do do do do do do, oh yeah
She's well acquainted with the touch of the velvet hand
Like a lizard on a window pane
The man in the crowd with the multicoloured mirrors
On his hobnail boots
Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy
Working overtime
A soap impression of his wife which he ate
And donated to the National Trust
Down
I need a fix 'cause I'm going down
Down to the bits that I left uptown
I need a fix 'cause I'm going down
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Happiness is a warm gun (Happiness bang, bang, shoot, shoot)
Happiness is a warm gun, mama (Happiness bang, bang, shoot, shoot)
When I hold you in my arms (Oo-oo oh yeah)
And I feel my finger on your trigger (Oo-oo oh yeah)
I know no one can do me no harm (Oo-oo oh yeah)
Because happiness is a warm gun, mama (Happiness bang, bang, shoot, shoot)
Happiness is a warm gun, yes it is (Happiness bang, bang, shoot, shoot)
Happiness is a warm, yes it is, gun (Happiness bang, bang, shoot, shoot)
Well, don't you know happiness is a warm gun, mama? (Happiness is a warm gun, yeah)
Let's also not forget the following from The World Church of The Creator Cult:
Reward Offered in Murder of Federal Judge's Family in Chicago
By STEPHANIE ROSENBLOOM, New York Times
Published: March 4, 2005
The F.B.I. is offering up to $50,000 for information leading to the identification of anyone involved in the murders of a federal judge's husband and mother in Chicago, an agent announced today.
Robert Grant, the F.B.I. special agent in charge of the investigation, said that the bureau had received a "tremendous amount" of information from the public and that the reward was an attempt to "accelerate that cooperation."
Chicago police said that they had received more than 200 tips related to the killings of Judge Joan Humphrey Lefkow's husband and mother. About 102 of them have come in since Wednesday night when police released composites of two men they want to question, Deputy Superintendent Hirim Grau said at a news conference in Chicago.
"We're following up on every single lead," Mr. Grau said. "And every bit of information helps."
"We will not slow down until we identify the person or persons responsible for these murders," he said.
Judge Lefkow found her husband, Michael F. Lefkow, 64, and her mother, Donna Humphrey, 89, shot to death in their basement on Monday when she came home from work.
Judge Lefkow has received violent threats on Web sites since May 2000, when she handled a trademark case involving a white supremacist leader, Matthew Hale.
An Oregon church filed suit to block Mr. Hale from using the term "Church of the Creator," which the church had trademarked. The judge ruled in favor of Mr. Hale and dismissed the case. But an appeals court reversed her decision and Judge Lefkow ordered Mr. Hale to remove the World Church of the Creator name from his Web sites and printed material. In Jan. 2003 Mr. Hale was arrested on charges that he solicited the murder of Judge Lefkow, and last April he was convicted.
During Mr. Hale's trial last year, the judge had an extra security detail, but it was disbanded after a couple of weeks.
"Obviously, Matt Hale and his prior conviction for threats to Judge Lefkow is an avenue of investigation that we're going to explore," Mr. Grant said.
Mr. Hale has denied involvement with the double murders. In a statement released through his mother on Thursday, Mr. Hale said: "There's simply no way that any supporter of mine would commit such a heinous crime," and added, "I totally condemn it, and I want the perpetrator caught and prosecuted."
Also on Thursday, two members of Congress called for increased financing to protect federal judges and their families.
Peace,love and happiness!
Jane Schiff
Link
YES - THIS IS A REAL STORY!
Related To Story
Video: Church Cancels Gun Giveaway
Church Cancels Teen Gun Giveaway
POSTED: 10:38 pm CDT July 11, 2008
UPDATED: 8:56 am CDT July 12, 2008
OKLAHOMA CITY -- An Oklahoma church canceled a controversial gun giveaway for teenagers at a weekend youth conference.
Windsor Hills Baptist had planned to give away a semiautomatic assault rifle until one of the event's organizers was unable to attend.
The church’s youth pastor, Bob Ross, said it’s a way of trying to encourage young people to attend the event. The church expected hundreds of teenagers from as far away as Canada.
“We have 21 hours of preaching and teaching throughout the week,” Ross said.
A video on the church Web site shows the shooting competition from last year’s conference. A gun giveaway was part of the event last year. This year, organizers included it in their marketing.
“I don’t want people thinking ‘My goodness, we’re putting a weapon in the hand of somebody that doesn’t respect it who are then going to go out and kill,'” said Ross. “That’s not at all what we’re trying to do.”
Ross said the conference isn’t all about guns, but rather about teens finding faith.
“You make a lot of new friends down here,” said Vikki Goncharenko, who attended the conference. “You get to meet new people. There's a bunch of things that are going on. It's just, you have a wonderful time.”
Friday evening, Ross said the gun giveaway had been canceled. Pastor emeritus Jim Vineyard, who ran the event, injured his foot and wouldn’t be able to attend. The gun giveaway was also removed from the church Web site.
Ross said the church would give the gun away next year instead. He said the church spent $800 buying the gun for the promotion.
NO - THIS ISN'T A REAL STORY:
Link
Register Your Sissy Boy For Vacation Bible Gun Camp!
New For Summer 2008:
This year, our young campers will be conducting several righteous religious raids upon the ungodly children at Camp Quest (a secular summer camp for sacrilegious science-loving sissies) for drive by, Get Your Feet Hot For Jesus! visitations. Bring your cap-guns and pistols (if you are over 7-years old and love Jesus) for some old fashioned soul-winning shoot-em-up dusty foot devil dancin'! Talk to a camp counselor when you arrive, as we anticipate that seats on the school buses will fill up quickly, and make sure your parents check the box on your permission slip that says you can stay up past curfew.
Checklist and Frequently Asked Questions:
What can I do to help my child have a great camp experience?
Fathers, before your boy leaves for camp, privately discuss the importance your church family's reputation. Make sure that he is fully aware that if he does anything to embarrass you or the Lord this summer, Jesus will tell on him and you will beat his little bare behind with a rusty buckle and have him shipped off to a Russian orphanage when he gets home. Let him know that you didn't raise him to be a sissy or a cry-baby so if you get word that any of that nonsense is going on, he'll have to find a new Daddy when he gets back from camp, because you don't want him to be your son anymore.
How do I Handle Homesickness?
Mothers, if you receive a call from the camp Pastor, telling you that your child is acting like a little Nancy boy and crying about how much he misses his mother, resist the temptation to "rescue" your child. You are not permitted to communicate with your child for the entire four weeks he is away at camp. Please understand that we are doing everything in our power to make a man out of your 12-year-old boy. We own him for a month. Any calls you receive from the camp Pastor are just phone calls letting you know that your child is being whipped with a tree branch in accordance with camp policy or being locked in a bear cave until he cries himself dry.
What to Bring to Bible Camp? What to Leave At Home?
King James Bible (1611 version)
Highlighter
Semi-Automatic Pistol
Revolver with Telescopic Lens
Plenty of Ammunition
Knives suitable for skinning
Cell Phone and Walkie Talkie
Fireworks
Tape Recorder
Hand Cuffs
One Change of Clothes
Money for Offering Plate
Rope
Notebook, Pens and Pencils
Secular Music
Sleeping Bag
PJ's
Soap and Shampoo
Swimsuit
Flashlight
Camera and Film
Stuffed Animals
Sunscreen
Insect Repellant
Rain Gear
Sissy Friends
What are the Fees and are there Refunds?
The $2500 deposit is non-refundable. The balance of the Bible camper fee ($18,000.00) is due the day of registration. If your child is unable to attend (due to death or loss of more than two limbs) please cancel within 10 days by calling the Registrar, Henry (The Bull) Nelson @ 800-788-CAMP. This way that spot may then be available for another youngster.
What is the policy on Sleeping Mates?
Sleeping assignments are made by the Bible Camp staff, prior to the start of each session. Our counselors observe each boy through closed circuit cameras as they are left to fend for themselves alone in the wilderness for the first two days. During this time they are carefully studied by a staff of Creation Scientists to detect any outward manifestations of possible homosexual tendencies, such as fear and excessive wiping with leaves after defecation. We utilize our findings to avoid placing two molly-coddlers in the same sleeping bag for the next several weeks. Friends are not allowed to bunk together (where cabins are available during the end of the third week) We will try, whenever possible to honor the requests of parents whose income brackets and contributions to the church warrant special sleeping arrangement requests made with pre-registration. All boys (except the offspring of Platinum-level tithing parents) will be forced to eat what is scooped onto their tin plates. Camp is no place for finicky eaters or silly claims about allergies. Platinum level tithers are encouraged to get special dietary requests to room service three weeks before departure.
What are the guidelines for Phone Calls?
Your child's personal cell phone is never to be used to contact friends and family. Cell phones are to be used exclusively to call the camp Pastor to report other children for insubordination. Cell phones may also be used if your child finds himself in a life threatening emergency situation.. Examples would be a gun wound to the head or being mauled by a grizzly bear. Being treed by a grizzly bear is not an emergency. It is a character-building event, and should be waited out if the child is unarmed.
Do I send food with my child?
Please do not send food to camp with your child. Each child will be given a satchel of dried locusts to serve as a Bible trail mix. Other than that, understand that your child is attending Bible camp to learn post-apocalyptic techniques on how to hunt, stalk, and kill his own food or starve to death. No meals are served in the first two weeks. You child will also learn to barter and share the love of Jesus at gunpoint should they be left behind as part of the unsaved remnant after the Great Tribulation.
How much money should my child take to Camp?
Your child should take 30 twenty-dollar bills. An offering will be taken up after morning services each day. By enabling your youngster to place a $20 bill in the collection plate, he will learn the importance of giving money to people who matter most to the Lord. Any child who fails to put $20 into the offering plate will be taught a valuable lesson about peer pressure and mob dynamics. The child will then be locked in a bat-infested cave for the duration of the summer where he can more carefully contemplate his selfishness.
What is there to do?
Apocalyptic wilderness survival training, Bible reading, Scripture memory contests, marksmanship competitions, Old testament wild deer and boar sacrifices, gun care and cleaning, manly fellowship, Bible skits, and evening super surprise game competitions where children use tranquilizer guns to hunt unsaved homeless people who are dropped into the mountains by helicopter.
Who can come?
Landover Baptist Vacation Bible Camp is for anyone who finished Grade 3 up to those finished grade 6. Optional grade 7 for those who attended last year and failed to kill an endangered animal and memorize over 50 Bible verses.
What is the time schedule?
We are using a Bible based time schedule at camp. Thus, we are operating in what camp counselors refer to as "Eternity Mode." By depriving your child of food and sleep for days at a time, we pray that he will experience a complete loss of time and space, and ultimately self-worth at various points within the 30 days, coming to a better understanding of his piteousness in the eyes of the Lord.
What if my child is caught with Drugs or Alcohol on the camp property?
Drugs and alcohol will be confiscated by the camp Pastor. Your child will be stripped naked and a full cavity search will be mechanically performed. The child will then be forced to endure the next 30 days of Vacation Bible Camp without clothes or company.