ProgressOhio

I had the extreme pleasure of visiting my son for Ohio University's Mom's Weekend in Athens a couple weeks ago. It was Court Street bursting with credit card-toting middle-aged moms (including a number of deluded women with MILF t-shirts), their sons and daughters with cells attached, and a few of the patronizingly named "Townies" who serve them. (Every small college town has Townies, I suspect.)

Mom's Weekend is a top-biller in terms of bar receipts in Athens -- much bigger than Dad's Weekend or the now-overrated Athens Halloween party. While I certainly don't advocate buying alcohol for minors (heck no, officer), it's hard to convincingly wag a finger at these young people when I myself hoisted many a $1.50 pitcher at the Frontier Room when I was 18. (And I believe Athens supported the economies of a number of Mexican and Colombian villages back then in the 70s before Homeland Security took over.)

Athens, thankfully, is a pedestrian kind of place. It's also the only place on earth where I would feel comfortable entering a bar alone. (I don't like the word unescorted. Only prisoners and women get escorted.) It's just laid back that way. I miss you, Louie the bagelman, and even you, Swanky's...but I digress.

It's kind of hazy now, but I don't believe I actually broke any laws while in Athens -- other moms were buying rounds. After Uptown, my son, his dorm roommate, his mom, a number of friends and I moved on to a kegger party at a house on Congress.  Here, under the stars on a deck, we danced to a live DJ who repeatedly invited us to Lick My Lollipop. (As a mom, I must remind the kids how unsanitary it is to share candy.)

(A special thanks to "Joe" for dancing with me until the cop came at 2 a.m. to break up the party because of a noise complaint. Perhaps Joe College is a Theater major who was hired by the university to entertain us old tuition-paying moms, but nevertheless, his performance was impressive.)

Dozens of students and a few moms came to the party. A group of sorority women arrived, all dressed in minis or shorts and stiletto high heels. "Is it Halloween?" someone asked the girls sarcastically. In the context of 45 F degree weather and Athens' hilly, brick-paved streets and sidewalks, bare legs and hi-high heels are just stupid. These women were pushing the skank envelope, and the young men were not impressed.

How do I say this without sounding like a member of the prudish old-lady Fashion Police? Let me try: Ladies, don't dress like you're trying out for Girls Gone Wild.  You ARE sexy. It's not necessary to play the part of sex actress.  Spiky heels look like weapons.  Too much skin can be threatening to a guy.  If you want to hook up with someone, dress "friendly," not seductively (i.e., what you think men think is sexy -- and often isn't). Dress comfortably for yourself. A good proportion of guys appreciate realism.

In closing, I must apologize to sorority members, who do a lot of good projects.  Greek culture is not widespread at OU, and I couldn't say for sure that that the scantily clad gals at the party were actually sorority sisters. I just thought "Sorority House Behavior" made a good headline in light of the AG scandal. I wonder how many men now complaining about "frat house behavior" in government are actually fraternity members themselves....Full disclosure, please.

And I hope to dissuade OU women from dressing up like hookers for Halloween.  Or ever.  Really, you're better than that.