ProgressOhio

I planted a small tuft of Robert Mitchum Peppermint a few years ago between our fence and driveway. I don't know why this herb is named after the '50s film noir star of Cape Fear and Night of the Hunter (where Mitchum plays a super-creepy preacher with "Love" and "Hate" tattooed on his knuckles). I guess some horticulturist just liked the actor and wanted to honor him.

I like Bob Mitchum too -- the guy got busted for smoking pot in the '40s. A true risk taker. He's vintage beefcake with a honey voice and stoner eyes. Like Bettie Page, he's sexiest in black and white.

So in honor of Mitchum, I planted just one little seedling (too bad it couldn't have been a more useful medicinal herb), and now I've got invasive peppermint shooting out everywhere, busting through the driveway blacktop. If you park in our driveway, you get minty-fresh tires and vague thoughts of Christmas.

I also have Annie Hall Thyme growing, which got me thinking about celebrity-named plants (and Woody Allen movies). It seems the most nameable plants are roses. There are dozens of roses named after real people. There are country singer roses (Reba McEntyre, Minnie Pearl), First Lady roses (Barbara Bush), political leader roses (Helmut Schmidt, JFK), lots of entertainer roses (Elizabeth Taylor, Henry Fonda, Rosie O'Donnell, Carrot Top), a troubled carmaker nameplate rose (Chrysler Imperial), as well as a few inexplicable rose names (Weight Watchers Success and Stainless Steel).

Why not develop a strain of Tina Louise Gingeroot, Lindsey Lohan Chickweed, Miss California Melons or Rod Parsley-in-the-Pulpit?

A separate garden area would be necessary for invasive political species. Next to the Phlox News Hackberrys, for example, you might find a Burning Bush, Dickweed Thistle, Monica Lewinsky Honeysuckle, Rod Blago Forget-Me-Nots, Don't Ask, Don't Tell Ladys Slippers and Enhanced Interrogation Nettles.

Delicate species, such as Columbine: The Flower, are at risk of being choked out by Beltway Virginia Creeper and Lobbyist Milkweed.

It's best to use Bleeding Hearts as a border to the Big Guvment Garden. It doesn't produce anything edible, but you never have to prune it.