Female political bloggers

Rejected New Yorker cover

Average Jane — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 07:17:47 EDT

Pope ignores overpopulation threat

Average Jane — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 08:34:04 EDT

At the risk of confronting a self-flagellating albino hitman from Opus Dei at my front door, I've just got to say Pope Benedict XVI has been a bit disingenuous lately.

Pope in Australia will highlight climate change

DARWIN, Australia (AP) — Pope Benedict XVI began a pilgrimage in Australia Sunday, saying he wants to use his visit to raise awareness about global warming and to address the crisis of clergy sexual abuse.

Benedict's plane landed in the northern city of Darwin in the morning after a more than 20-hour flight from the Vatican. His plane was making a brief refueling stop before flying to Sydney, where he will lead celebrations at the World Youth Day festival.

Benedict, 81, will spend three days resting at a retreat in Sydney before taking part in the festival, including a vigil service with thousands of young people and an outdoor Mass....

Benedict said politicians and experts must be "capable of responding to the great ecological challenge and to be up to the task of this challenge."***

Is there any possible way to address environmental threats without also discussing human population growth?

No. As WOA! explains:

"Overpopulation is a serious problem getting worse every year: if we continue at the current rate, population will double to over 11 billion by 2035. Overpopulation is the root of most, if not all, environmental and many economic issues, timber overharvesting, loss of arable land, ocean depletion, food shortages, water shortages, air pollution, water pollution, flooding, plant and animal habitat loss, global warming and immigration."

As long as the Catholic Church prohibits birth control, it can't effectively respond to "the great ecological challenge." People cause pollution, and there's no getting around that.

It's our American tradition to allow people to practice their religion freely, as long as they don't affect nonbelievers adversely. I've merely been annoyed by Jehovah's Witnesses, but Catholic policies have caused me personal tragedy.

I don't think it's out of line to criticize the pope for choosing to overlook world overpopulation and the negative effects that it certainly will have on my children and grandchildren.

And, oh yeah, don't forget to apologize to those thousands of Australians who were molested by priests, XVI. I know you've got a lot on your 81-year-old celibate mind.

When will state legislators stop pretending to be doctors?

Average Jane — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 07:29:06 EDT

Got this email today from Gary Dougherty, Planned Parenthood Affiliates of Ohio: Will the Ohio General Assembly Give Men the Final Decision about a Woman's Reproductive Health Care Choices?

One year ago, State Rep. John Adams (R-Sidney) introduced one of the most outrageous pieces of legislation we have ever seen.

House Bill 287 would require a woman to have the written informed consent of the prospective father of her fetus before being allowed to have an abortion.

That's right...If the man says "No," there will be no abortion. Period!

This bill may actually be scheduled for hearings in the coming weeks.

To raise awareness about this offensive bill, Planned Parenthood Affiliates of Ohio is partnering with ProgressOhio, an outreach organization that builds awareness of legislative issues.

You're not going to believe this...

HB 287 also requires that, if the identity of the prospective father is unknown, a paternity test must be performed to determine his identity so that his consent could be obtained prior to performing the abortion.

What is left unsaid is that prenatal paternity testing:

cannot be performed until at least the 10th week of pregnancy, near the end of the first trimester,
is an invasive procedure using a long needle through the abdomen to collect fetal cells,
is expensive – up to $2,000 per test, and
poses a potential medical risk.

The practical effect of the paternity test requirement would prevent some women from obtaining an abortion during the first trimester.

Once paternity is established, if the man says "No," there will be no abortion.

Even worse...

If the pregnancy resulted from rape, the woman would be required to provide a police report proving it.
If the pregnancy resulted from incest, the woman would be required to provide a paternity test or a police report.
If the woman chooses not to identify the prospective father (perhaps out of fear for her own physical well-being), her only recourse would be to continue the pregnancy against her wishes or have an illegal abortion, a first degree misdemeanor.

Help ProgressOhio and Planned Parenthood "veto" this bill now! We Can't Let Them Get Away with This!***

You're right, Gary, we can't let them get away with this. Furthermore, we need to get Republican noses out of our gynecologists' offices. This control-freak Big Brother attitude has got to stop.

Rep. Adams is not qualified to even vote on this bill, let alone introduce it. He apparently has no medical background whatsoever. "Attended Mesa Community College" is his only education credential.

It's like sponsoring a farm bill without bothering to talk to farmers about it. House Bill 287 is horrendously bad legislation. Please join me in signing Planned Parenthood's petition against HB 287.

170 Posts and counting

Average Jane — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:36:04 EDT

It's been almost a year since I started blogging my little heart out on ProgressOhio. I'm still no good with the visuals, but if I do say so myself, my writing has improved immensely with near-daily practice. Occasionally, I can produce a whoop-ass 300 word essay.

In commemoration of my almost-year of blogging and actively commenting, I have some observations:

1. Make lists. People like lists. 5 Edgy Ohio Women, 10 Superficial Reasons to Go Obama, 16+ Reasons R's Should Shut Up about Abortion

2. For ProgressOhio, you want to keep it timely and Ohio-oriented. Nostalgic topics are OK, as long as they're political and/or funny. The Pie-Man Platform

3. Politics is a very broad topic. I like to write about cultural politics -- just about anything involving human interaction. If nothing else, it's Arts and Culture.

4. Don't let the fact that you're not a good writer keep you from writing. Express yourself. (Do not post after two or more glasses of wine, however.)

5. If you're a WASP like me, avoid terms such as fo' shizzle and chutzpah.

6. Humor is tricky. Best to leave it to the professionals.

7. Brevity and sexual innuendo improve readership.

8. Just because no one comments on your post doesn't mean people aren't reading it. Some topics don't invite comment.

9. It's good to stick with topics you know (except your kids -- they are boring to everyone else). But don't be afraid to branch out. Our Environment, for example, is a subject we can all have an opinion about.

10. Think of blogging as performance art -- expression for art's sake.

I think I became a better writer after I gave up on the idea of getting paid as a writer. My blog posts are unedited, poorly researched and often sloppily written in first-person, but nevertheless, I'm feeling warm and fuzzy about the whole blogging thing.

NBC 4 suffers from uromediaphilia

Average Jane — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 17:35:06 EDT

Is it just me, or is our Columbus NBC affiliate obsessed with the story of Allan Patton, the guy caught repeatedly trying to collect and drink the urine of young boys? The story broke Friday and they've had team reporting on the urine-fetish beat every newscast since then.

On Saturday, Mike Bowersock told us in earnest that Patton's mental condition is known as "urophilia." How educational. Today the NBC 4 Survey Question is: "Do you think Allan Patton should have been arrested for being in a public restroom, even though no crime was committed?"

Hmm. Let's rephrase that question: Do you think it's a good idea to arrest people without cause?

The poll results -- 828 votes at last count -- indicate 71% FOR Patton's arrest. The Reader Reaction comments are a mix of disgust and desire for vigilante justice. This from Sickofit: "What is it going to take for the system to put this man way (sic)? Another innocent child's life destroyed by him?"

Sheesh. The guy didn't touch anyone in this incident. It's hard to believe he destroyed a boy's life by collecting his urine. Yes, he's a perv, but he's not harming other humans.

Live and let live and let drink urine, I say.

Right-to-Lie kooks want 'personhood' for zygotes

Average Jane — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 08:55:28 EDT

If you thought government in the bedroom was bad, just wait until they start inspecting your toilet bowl. That could happen if right-to-life zealots in Colorado get their way. Washington Post:

LOS ANGELES -- A proposal to define a fertilized human egg as a person will land on Colorado's ballot this November, marking the first time that the question of when life begins will go before voters anywhere in the nation.

The Human Life Amendment, also known as the personhood amendment, says the words "person" or "persons" in the state constitution should "include any human being from the moment of fertilization." If voters agreed, legal experts say, it would give fertilized eggs the same legal rights and protections to which people are entitled.

The ballot initiative is funded by Colorado for Equal Rights, a grass-roots antiabortion organization. Its purpose, initiative sponsor Kristi Burton said, is to lay a legal and legislative basis for protecting the unborn. Its passage would also open the door to modifying other laws for the same purpose, she said.

As to what laws could then be modified, Burton would not elaborate. "We try not to focus on some of the issues that will be taken care of later on," she said, repeatedly saying that the amendment is not aimed at outlawing abortion....

"If we give fertilized eggs legal rights, abortion could be considered murder and a woman could be sent to jail for making the difficult life decision to terminate a pregnancy," said Crystal Clinkenbeard, spokeswoman for Protect Families, Protect Choice, a coalition of medical professionals, community groups and religious leaders who oppose the amendment.

The measure also could expand the reach of the law into other arenas, legal experts say. For instance, if a woman miscarries, she could be held responsible if it were found she caused it, even unintentionally. If she smoked or drank while pregnant, her behavior might be considered negligence. Damaged eggs might be eligible for monetary damages. The use of fertilized eggs at fertility clinics or in medical research labs would come into question because the disposal of unused eggs could be considered homicide.***

This Colorado ballot initiative is so absurd, it's bizarre. Putting something as deeply personal as family planning in the hands of voters is just dumb. Like John McCain says, people don't like government making decisions for them. This is like Big Brother watching you, except he's a control freak and misogynist.

As many as 40% of pregnancies end in miscarriage -- natural abortions. How is the government going to sort out which miscarriages are unintentional and which are induced abortions? Body Fluid Police?

That's only the beginning of the legal morass this legislation would cause if passed. If a pregnant woman is legally two people can she vote twice? Would Angelina Jolie get to vote three times?

Get a grip, Colorado.

21 Reasons R's should shut up about abortion

Help undo the mess left by abstinence-only education

Hamms sandwich Olympics

Average Jane — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 13:54:59 EDT

Twenty-five days until the Beijing Summer Olympics. Can't honestly say I'm psyched up, but the Olympics are a unique international event. There's always a controversy or inspirational story (the 41-year-old mom competitive swimmer, for example) to talk about.

This year, the host itself seems to be the main topic of conversation. China's air and water pollution and free-speech suppression overshadow the athletic competition. But we get the impression that the Chinese want to impress the rest of the world so very, very badly. So, what the heck. Let them host this global frat party for once. We can trash their place and they'll hardly notice.

I'm sure there are other Ohioans competing in the Olympics this year, but I only know of two: gymnasts Paul and Morgan Hamm. These twin young men are really natives of Wisconsin, but they chose to make Columbus their training home. Both graduated from Ohio State last year.

Men's gymnastics has got to be extremely competitive on the international level. I wish the Hamm brothers best of luck. I feel a personal connection with them, however remote, having spotted them recently at Lennox Town Center. As someone who appreciates a compact athletic body (as opposed to a hulking football-player type), may I say, two is better than one!

To paraphrase Paris Hilton, these boys are hot.

Lies and the Lying Lenders Who Tell Them

Daily Outrage — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 19:34:20 EDT

I know I get outraged daily, but I think this is the most outraged I've been. I found a story in the Portsmouth Daily Times on the payday lenders.

It liberally quotes payday spokesperson Kim Norris peddling some of the biggest lies I've seen in a long time.

The lies aren't the worst part. The worst part is that she peddled it to a newspaper in one of the poorest regions of the state because she knows that the bigger papers have the staff necessary to call her out on her BS. Let's look at some of the bigger lies:

"In a nutshell, it (the proposed referendum) repeals Section 3 of House Bill 545, but still allows for short-term loans at 28 percent," said Kim Norris of the Reject House Bill 545 Committee.
Norris said Rogers rejected the organization's first two proposals - saying the first was too short and the second, too long. "It felt like the three little bears," Norris said. "But she did accept our third proposal." ...
"We have to go out and get signatures, but an attorney general cannot impede the process. That argument is still under way," she said.
"Yesterday, she rejected that one but approved this other summary, so we're moving ahead with our summary that she approved."

In a nutshell, here is what they are REALLY doing: They are trying to kill the part of the reform that banned them from charging you 391% interest. In other words, they want to keep screwing the poor by charging them 391% interest when they are so desperate that they take out a payday loan.

Now about the Three Bears comment. Nancy Rogers did not say one was too short and one was two long. She said neither was a "fair and truthful'' statement. In other words, each was UNFAIR and NOT TRUTHFUL.

Having the state's top lawyer accuse you of lying is a lot different than having her accuse you of being too wordy or too brief.

And finally, the attorney general is NOT impeding the process. She is doing her job.

Ohio law REQUIRES the attorney general to decide if a petition summary is fair and truthful.

If the payday guys don't want to slow down the process, they have the option of writing a fair and truthful summay. They control their own destiny.

These guys are amazing.

Veterans' Council National Kickoff in Dayton Yesterday

User from Columbus, OH — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 16:43:33 EDT

Yesterday at noon, union veterans gathered at Memorial Hall in downtown Dayton. This event was one of a number around the country that marked the kickoff of the AFL-CIO's new Veterans' Council.

In addition to mobilizing leaders at the top to develop a national strategy to make sure veterans' voices are heard this year, and mobilizing grassroots union veterans to get involved to protect veterans' interests, the Council marks its kickoff with the debut of a tv ad featuring IBEW member and Vietnam Navy combat veteran Jim Wasser.

John Sweeney, President of the AFL-CIO, spoke at the veterans' event in Dayton today, as did Mark Ayers, President of the Building and Construction Trades Department of the AFL-CIO, Vietnam veteran, and chair of the Veterans Council. Other speakers included Joe Rugola, President of the Ohio AFL-CIO, and Wes Wells, Executive Secretary of the Dayton-Miami Valley Labor Council, whose son is currently serving in Iraq.

Why isn't the Veterans' Council supporting John McCain, who served in Vietnam, instead of Obama, who was never in the military? Material from the Veterans' Council says:

We support the candidate who has the strongest record in standing up for working people’s and veterans issues. Obama supports seriously reforming our nation’s broken health care system. McCain does not. Obama supports ending tax breaks for companies who send jobs overseas. McCain does not. Obama supports full funding for the GI bill and increased funding for veterans health care. McCain does not.

We've got a great one-minute video of John Sweeney speaking at the event, as well as two union vets talking about John McCain available from the Ohio Labor 2008 YouTube site.

Help undo the mess left by abstinence-only education

Average Jane — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 09:09:01 EDT

One in four teenage girls has a sexually transmitted infection, according to the Centers for Disease Control. One in four! "Additionally, teen birth rates are going up and the cost of birth control is skyrocketing," said Gary Dougherty, State Legislative Director, Planned Parenthood Affiliates of Ohio.

On May 30, 2007, the bi-partisan Ohio Prevention First Act was introduced in the Ohio House of Representatives. This landmark legislation will reduce unintended pregnancies through:

Realistic sex education and teen pregnancy prevention programs
Funding for family planning programs
Guaranteed access to birth control prescriptions
Contraceptive equity
Emergency contraception access and education

It is critical that this commonsense legislation be scheduled for a hearing before the end of the year. You can help make that happen.

Sign the petition urging the Chairman of the House Health Committee, Rep. Lynn Wachtmann (R-Napoleon), to schedule a hearing on the Ohio Prevention First Act.

PPAO and I appreciate your support. I can't think of any legislation the General Assembly could undertake that could benefit more Ohioans more positively health-wise.

Go Ahead. Stimulate My Economy.

Average Jane — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 17:08:40 EDT

Glock or Magnum? Help me decide. I got my $600 stimulus check today, and I thought I'd put it to good use by protecting my family with a hand gun.

The Slimline Glock is an attractive model that I could fit in my purse, but the .44 Magnum offers more bang for the buck and it's so, well, shiny.

What's that? Rather than protect families, household hand guns cause homicides and suicides you say? Oh, fiddledeedee. I'll be careful. Trust me, I'm a law-abiding citizen.

Besides, we smaller people require all the more firepower. We're more vulnerable, you know.

Sidenote: My guvment stimulus check, issued from Austin, TX on July 4th, has my name spelled incorrectly. This tells me that humans were hired to key-in the names of stimulus check recipients, thus introducing human error into the process. Our government does not know how to copy IRS files apparently. Jeez. Do we have to be technologically illiterate just to create jobs?

Heck, I could waste my stimulus check on porn like everyone else, but I've got a family to protect.

War of the Words

Average Jane — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 15:47:01 EDT

War. What is it good for? Political speech, apparently.

As November approaches, expect the pundits to throw out more and more war-themed volleys. Ohio is a battleground state, after all.

I've always been puzzled by anti-choice "battle against abortion" rhetoric. Who's the enemy? Slutty girls?

According to Slate, politicos get so caught up in the idea of actual war rooms, anyone who's anyone has to have one:

Some people are particularly attached to the notion of war room as physical place. "I get hired by so many corporate clients who want a room with clocks and maps and everything," says Chris Lehane, a former spokesman for Al Gore who now heads a public-relations firm. "When you try to explain to them it’s just a concept and not a physical embodiment, they don’t want to hear it."

Meanwhile, the War on Terror will remain unwinnable. The enemy is too difficult to define, much less defeat.

The Dispatch ran a political article today with the head Officer Needed in Oval Office? about whether military experience should be a prerequisite for the presidency. (Short answer: No. And I think my WWII war hero dad would agree.)

All this rocket's red glare, guns ablazing, military talk has me yearning for the days of tired old political sports metaphors. Let's hit one out of the park, Democrats!

Small acts of suburban protest

Average Jane — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 14:24:45 EDT

Now that the bratwurst is still fresh in my colon, I want to tell you about my little July 4th prank.

I live in a community known for its uppity attitude, overly remodeled homes, lack of diversity and petty disputes (zoning, trash collection). Other than those things, I like living here a lot.

Here in Uppityville, the 4th of July parade is a mighty big deal. I appreciate the parade heritage, having ridden my crepe-paper decorated bike very slowly in the parade back in the '60s. Now that I live close to the parade route, I wouldn't miss the Spirit of 76, the Tin Lizzy Patrol (where can I get a fez?), the old-timers harmonica band and the neighborhood floats. (Special thumbs up to the Grove City marching band for their repeat good performances.)

In fact, I am unabashedly patriotic to the point of being geeky. I throw kisses to veterans and display not only American flags in my yard, but also an Ohio flag. And a fine flag it is.

So, I like the parade as much as anyone, perhaps more so. With that said, I have become disturbed by a trend I've noticed. More and more areas of the parade route were being penned off with stakes and rope in an effort to reserve private viewing areas. By July 2, about half of the curbside areas were a tangle of twine, yellow caution tape and lawn chairs. By July 3 evening, three-quarters of the good spots were "taken."

But by dawn July 4th, all ropes were down. Snip, snip. Tee-hee.

From a safety standpoint, some little kid was likely to be literally clotheslined by these human pen constructions. But that's not why I did it. I overturned sawhorses, pulled up stakes and cut dozens of ropes because I wanted people to feel embarrassed by their piggish, territorial behavior.

I didn't disturb anyone's lawn chair in the hopes that these were reserved for grandma. I didn't mess with anyone's construction on private property (only the easement area) or the marked "Class of 53" viewing area. I pulled some lawn chairs out of the street that had blown over.

Many people witnessed my snipping session, including a cop (if he was paying attention), city workers, dog walkers and bicyclists. A teenage boy yelled out of his window "Why did you cut that?" I was kind of embarrassed to be caught by a kid, so I just put my hands up in a "guilty as charged" gesture and kept walking. A woman about my age asked "Is there a purpose in what you're doing?" I replied, "It's public property." I have to give both of these people credit -- they didn't confront me, they just asked reasonable questions. Funny how full-grown men shy away from menopausal women carrying scissors.

It remains to be seen if my protest against "me first" behavior at the parade had any impact. I heard a girl whining about her ruined jump rope, but that's about it. I saw a municipal court judge that I know at the parade and told her about my exploits. She couldn't think of any laws I had violated. So if I didn't make my point this year, I'll be back.

As an added touch, I posted a small sign near a schoolyard along the parade route with the lyrics of This Land is Your Land by Woody Guthrie. This patriotic song holds up even though it's more than 50 years old.

The fourth verse is my favorite....

As I was walkin' - I saw a sign there
And that sign said - no tress passin'
But on the other side .... it didn't say nothin!
Now that side was made for you and me!

The last verse is chilling...and a reminder that protest is patriotic!

In the squares of the city - In the shadow of the steeple
Near the relief office - I see my people
And some are grumblin' and some are wonderin'
If this land's still made for you and me.

If you've got Faith, you don't need federal dollars

Average Jane — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 10:32:26 EDT

In a review of Obama's Zanesville visit, The New York Times says: "Obama's high-profile embrace of a key theme of Bush's time in office -- the 'faith-based initiative' -- is just the latest example of him trying to show his centrist side."

If I didn't know the guy was a professor of constitutional law and actually cared about things like the rights of nonbelievers and the importance of separation of church and state, I'd be worried. But he does.

In his outreach to evangelicals, Obama needs to watch out for charity workers who proselytize, religious-based organizations that restrict health care services to the public, religious leaders who distort the abortion issue, and a holy host of other stuff. He knows that.

He also knows that it's worth the effort to extend a hand to religious folks. Even those suspicious of organized religion like I am have to admit that churches are the strongest social group in many Ohio neighborhoods. Church groups drive anti-poverty programs and are a rallying point for all types of social causes.

Unlike the online community, the faith-based community represents warm bodies with their shirt sleeves rolled up and ready to offer help.

Like the man said, "We need an all-hands-on-deck approach." (And I love the quasi-military phrasing.)

As tax-free institutions, I believe churches are obligated to give back not only to their members, but also to the community at large. This is a much broader task than just giving to the needy. ("Needy," in itself is problematic...Who decides who's needy?)

In Columbus, there are some black pastors (sorry I don't know their names) who have been working with the city on its new curfew law and mentoring young people. I applaud these men and their genuinely faith-based efforts.

In many neighborhoods, churches and synagogues can best support their communities by giving young people (especially teens) some place to gather. When I was a kid, churches sponsored Friday night "coffeehouses" and group activities for teens. Today, no church seems to want the liability.

My point is there are many worthy faith-based ventures that do not require federal funding.

The Itch of Global Warming

Average Jane — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 08:45:43 EDT

If collapse of the polar ice caps is too remote of a threat for you, consider one of the side effects of global warming: more ubiquitous and virulent poison ivy.

Yup, increased carbon dioxide in the atmosphere has a fertilizing effect on the nasty vine. Leaves grow bigger and faster, and produce more noxious oil.

"Duke University botanist William Schlesinger says the vine's exuberant response to carbon dioxide may have unsettling implications for human health as the level of the gas in the atmosphere continues to increase.

"Higher levels of carbon dioxide also impacts the health of forests, which some botanists feel, are already suffering because of the uncontrolled growth of vines at the expense of trees and other plants."

Yuck. I hate poison ivy. As a kid, it was a Calamine lotion ritual every summer. Now, even though I'm extra-careful about avoiding it and washing up just in case, I sometimes still get the nasty rash.

However, I'm no longer feeling sorry for myself after viewing the Skin Rash Hall of Fame at poison-ivy.org. The purpose of this site is to sell poison ivy identification charts. (Read the sarcastic "How to Make Your Own Poster.") There are also some great poison ivy stories, including a guy who was splattered with juice when he cut a 4" diameter vine with a chain saw.

In Ohio, poison ivy in leaves-of-three vine form is very common along the edges of forests and highway berms. Our current wet weather and increasing CO2 are only going to make it worse.

Poison ivy reminds us -- like gophers collapsing levees -- Nature will prevail. Don't try to outrun a tornado. Don't feed wild animals. Don't swim into the riptide. Don't think for a minute that you can win a competition with Big Mama. She'll beat you every time.

I think Mom's PO'd at all the abuse we've given her lately, and this itchy kudzu is her way of disciplining us.

"We're the Cops of the World"

Average Jane — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 08:31:08 EDT

The words of folk musician and anti-war protester Phil Ochs, who spent much of his brief life in Columbus and Cleveland, still resonate 30 years later:

When we butchered your son, boys
When we butchered your son
Have a stick of our gum, boys
Have a stick of our bubble-gum
We own half the world, oh say can you see
The name for our profits is democracy
So, like it or not, you will have to be free
'Cause we're the Cops of the World, boys
We're the Cops of the World

Although he was a prolific songwriter, Ochs was never commercially successful. He's probably best known for "I Ain't Marching Anymore" and "Outside a Small Circle of Friends" (which was removed from radio airplay when people complained about the "Smoking marijuana is more fun than drinking beer" lyric).

In my quickie research on Ochs, I found this Boy in Ohio tune which gave me fond memories of 3.2 beer.

Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

Average Jane — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 07:13:30 EDT

Now that the Supremes have ruled that guns are for everyone, of course, I want one too.

Why do I need a gun when I am privileged to live in a safe, affluent neighborhood? Couple of reasons. While I'm glad that our house has no garish copper downspouts or gutters, we do have copper pipes and thefts have been rampant lately. I want to protect my home like everyone else.

Also, my neighbor collects guns. I have a good relationship with all my other neighbors except this guy. He's sullen and unfriendly. I only know he has over 70 guns in his house because his ex-wife told me. They were removed from his home when she had a protection order against him. Now that they're divorced, he's got his firepower back and there's nothing I can do about it except worry....And get a really powerful handgun to protect myself.

I'm a petite middle-aged woman with virtually no gun handling experience. Clearly, a stun gun is insufficient defense against my neighbor's suburban arsenal.

Because I admire Clint Eastwood (Have you seen The Bridges of Madison County? Lovely movie), I was thinking of getting a .44 Magnum -- "the most powerful handgun in the world" -- just like his Dirty Harry character.

This surely will impress my neighbor, copper thieves, solicitors, proselytizers and Trick-or-Treaters.

Tickling the 88

Average Jane — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 16:07:39 EDT

In keeping with my Embrace the Dull theme, let's talk about county government.

Here's an interesting fact -- and it may be the last you read here -- there are 88 counties in Ohio, the same as the number of keys on a piano! Whee!

Who runs county government? Three-person boards of elected county commissioners in 87 counties; just-has-to-be-different Summit County has a county executive and council.

What do county officials do? They don't make laws. They manage county business and enforce state and federal regulations. The scope of responsibility is quite broad. Counties handle public safety (police, prisons, justice system), infrastructure (highways, sewers, bridges) and public welfare (assistance programs).

All these county services are paid for with sales tax. In Franklin County, the rate is currently 6.75% (COTA buses collect 0.5% of this sales tax.) Six and three-quarters cents of every dollar spent is not such a bad deal considering all the fundamental services counties provide.

County commissioners are usually low-key individuals who you don't hear about until a bridge collapses or a levee breaks. As politicians they are almost invisible.

When disaster strikes, who you gonna call? Probably a county commissioner.

Embrace the Dull, Ohio

Average Jane — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 11:56:13 EDT

The biennially published Almanac of American Politics 2008 is a great library find, if only to flip through the 1,865 pages to look at photos of governors and Ohio legislators. The comprehensive description of the political climate in Ohio begins:

"Ohio was the first entirely American state, and one which ever since has seemed an epitome of American normalcy. The original 13 states started as British colonies, and the next three, Vermont, Kentucky and Tennessee, were spun from them. But Ohio sprung Athena-like from the head of Congress, as the first state formed from the Northwest Territory...."

Yes, Ohio is entrenched in normalcy. We're the flagship of mediocrity. Ohio the Ordinary.

We're right angles, real squares, although we like to think of ourselves as circular.

There was even a short-lived TV sitcom starring John Goodman called Normal, Ohio. I guess the notion of an overweight football-loving gay guy living in Ohio was a real hoot to all those bicoastal snobs.

I used to be embarrassed by Ohio's middle-of-the-roadness, but I've decided that our strength is in our blandness. If you can't be #1, be #25!

After all, the almanac goes on to call Ohio a "crucial" state in presidential politics. "No Republican has ever been elected president without carrying Ohio; no Democrat, in today's electoral arithmetic, can be sure of winning without it."

I hope Ohio can reach new heights of normality this November and put the biracial guy in the White House.

Do Not Call, Solicit or Proselytize, please

Average Jane — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 08:37:34 EDT

In terms of personal impact, the federal Do Not Call Registry has got to be one of the best things Congress ever put together in this millennium. No more unsolicited telemarketers! Whoopee!

As you may have noticed around election time, political pollsters and candidate robo-calls are exempted from Do Not Call rules. "Political" speech, as annoying as it may be, is protected under the First Amendment.

But now there's hope for those of us who, like Greta Garbo, simply "vant to be left alone" during election season: the National Political Do Not Call Registry
operated by a Washington-based non-profit called Citizens for Civil Discourse. (Thanks to Mr. Know-It-All in the current issue of Wired for the tip-off.) Lacking government backing, the registry appears to be a work in progress. But the idea of freedom from political intrusions is a worthy goal.

In fact, I'd like to take my right to undisturbed privacy to the next level. Even more intrusive than phone calls are knocks on my door from religious groups who solicit donations for who-knows-what.

What bugs me about these people is their arrogant assumption: We know the truth. You don't. We're here to teach you.

For some sects, proselytizing or "witnessing" is an obligatory religious duty. That's not my problem. I need not feel guilty for shutting my door in their faces.

In my community, solicitors need to get a permit before they can go door to door. As with gambling and taxes, church groups get a free pass. Why?

My right to privacy supersedes their right to exercise their religious beliefs -- especially on my property. Sure, they mean well. So do lots of polygamists and snake handlers who claim God is their copilot.

Yeah, it's petty and bitchy, but I'd like to propose a National Do Not Proselytize Registry.