ProgressOhio

Isn't it time we stop praising people who insist on overstepping their bounds reproductively?

Consider the Duggar family of Tonitown, Arkansas.  The subject of a TV reality show and an AP feature story published in The Dispatch today, the Duggars have 17 children and another one on the way.  All of the kids, whose names start with J, are home schooled. (My heart goes out to Jedidiah, #11.)

We're supposed to find this kind of non-stop breeding admirable? If everyone behaved this way, the earth's population would be at an unsustainable 60 billion or so, and we'd all be eating Soylent Green.  Add to that the crushing effects of CO2 emissions generated by each of us Americans, and you have a global pollution crisis caused by inconsiderate parents.

Uterus-with-a-head moms (as comic Carlos Mencia would describe them) like Mrs. Duggar don't deserve our respect.  According to the AP article, she said "she and her husband will continue to have children as long as God wills it."  Given this logic, infertile couples need not seek treatment. Extra-blessed couples like the Duggars will supply more than enough humans to populate the earth.

Belief in large families (except in areas where family farm laborers are truly necessary to sustain the group) is almost always fueled by religion. So it is with the Duggars. "Jim Bob Duggar, a former member of the Arkansas Legislature and an unsuccessful U.S. Senate candidate, has not been specific when asked how he supports such a big family. But he said he was guided by a seminar about 20 years ago that blends finance and religion."  No surprise that Jim Bob is vague about how he supports 17 kids.

Religious arrogance -- and especially the belief that one's DNA is superior -- does not excuse any of us from practicing responsible breeding and parenting.

I know from experience: motherhood is great. I'm just saying, don't wear it out.

...until you consider the origins of Mother's Day.

Julia Ward Howe, who penned The Battle Hymn of the Republic, also authored a mothers' Declaration calling on women to oppose war, and worked to get recognition of a Mother’s Day for Peace. Says Code Pink: "Were she alive today, Julia probably would have told her kids to dispense with the roses and chocolates, and instead join her in an anti-war rally. Yes, Julia Ward Howe was a peacenik."

[Howe] saw some of the worst effects of the [civil] war -- not only the death and disease which killed and maimed the soldiers. She worked with the widows and orphans of soldiers on both sides of the war, and realized that the effects of the war go beyond the killing of soldiers in battle. She also saw the economic devastation of the Civil War, the economic crises that followed the war, the restructuring of the economies of both North and South.

In 1870, Julia Ward Howe took on a new issue and a new cause….She called in 1870 for women to rise up and oppose war in all its forms. She wanted women to come together across national lines, to recognize what we hold in common above what divides us, and commit to finding peaceful resolutions to conflicts. She issued a Declaration, hoping to gather together women in a congress of action.

Howe failed in her attempt to get formal recognition of a Mother's Day for Peace, but her effort was carried on by Anna Jarvis, who had organized women during the Civil War to work for better sanitary conditions for both sides, and then toward reconciliation of Union and Confederate neighbors.

Jarvis’ daughter, of the same name, then took up the campaign for Mother’s Day. After the custom spread to 45 states, President Woodrow Wilson declared the first national Mother’s Day in 1914.

Julia Ward Howe's Mothers' Declaration:

Arise then...women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly:
"We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage,
For caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country,
Will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."

From the voice of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with
Our own. It says: "Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe our dishonor,
Nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil
At the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home
For a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace...
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God -
In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality,
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.

Maybe Pryce, Schmidt, Tiberi, Chabot, Boehner, Regula, LaTourette, Hobson, and Turner have a thing against moms. But YOU can make this Mother's Day a Mother's Day For Peace.

Help CodePink help Iraqi refugee moms here.

Send a MomsRising Mother's Day card and tell the presidential candidates to fight for family-friendly policies. here.

Oh and don't forget to call the Congressional Switchboard at 1-800-839-5276 to give the above members of Congress a piece of your mind about H.R. 1113.

Do you have another suggestion for honoring Julia Ward Howe's Mothers' Declaration? Are you a mom working for peace? Leave a comment below.

Let's review how prominent Ohio Big Dogs have maneuvered through gender politics in recent months:

AG Marc Dann told us he's suffered enough -- he had to tell his wife and kids he had an affair with a subordinate. Must be tough, Mr. Top Lawyer!

His ex-communications director Leo Jennings III sent an email to the interim superintendent of the Bureau of Criminal Identification and Investigation calling him a "coward, an expletive related to the female anatomy and an absolute (expletive) incompetent insubordinate moron," according to The Dispatch. You've clearly communicated what you think about women, Mr. Jennings III!

Of course, the biggest of the AG hound dogs is Tony G, who gifted a woman in his office with a sex toy and then asked to see her use it. I wonder if he ever gave similar instructions to anyone who saw the gun hiding underneath the seat of the state vehicle he was driving drunk.  Hostile work environment?  Frat party?  It's more like a state-sanctioned, gun-toting, pj-wearing polygamist sect ranch on Grey Goose and Hawaiian pizza.*

Then there's ex-state representative Matthew Barrett who accidentally shared some of his porn collection with Norwalk High School students and then blamed his son. Two-dimensional women make poor companions, Mr. B.

The Ohio General Assembly thought it was vital that Ohio women get free ultrasounds of their fetuses before having an abortion (evidently we are too stupid to know what they look like). It is our lawmakers' belief that upon viewing these grainy pictures, we will immediately cease our selfish health care desires and devise a way to care for and support a child for at least 18 years. As always, fathers are not accountable in the process. Meanwhile, the Ohio Prevention First Act -- the only possible way to reduce the number of abortions in the state -- flounders in the GOP-dominated legislature. These same insensitive men treasure their Viagra, but refuse to force insurers to cover the high cost of women's contraceptives. Shamefully, they dismiss any suggestion of reform of maternity/paternity leave laws and have the nerve to call themselves pro-life!  Really, Ohio, can't we do something pro-women for once?

There seems to be a mange going around Ohio Big Dogs. (Did I mention vomit-encrusted nostrils?)  In honor of Mom, I hope cats like you and me can put a leash on them.  Me-ow.

*Positive post note: Thanks, Gov. Ted, for your sincere indignation regarding the AG scandal. 

Because I know Ohio progressives care deeply about this subject, I just wanted to bring your attention to this article (and to our blogger friend quoted) in USA TODAY today....

Cities dance around free-speech issue By Judy Keen

A growing number of cities and counties are using zoning, licensing regulations and other techniques to discourage strip clubs without running afoul of the businesses' First Amendment rights.

The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that cities and states can ban nude dancing and regulate adult-oriented businesses, but can't prohibit them from operating. Federal courts generally protect such businesses unless communities can prove "harmful secondary effects" — increased crime, blight or diminished property values.

"This is a pressing issue all across the country," says David Hudson, a scholar at the First Amendment Center, a free-speech forum. "City officials are struggling with ways to regulate and limit and even try to prohibit adult entertainment."

Angelina Spencer, executive director of the Association of Club Executives, a strip-club trade association, says legislative efforts to restrict the nation's 3,000 clubs are increasing, especially in rural areas. "We aren't opposed to regulations," she says. "We're opposed to oppressive legislation … designed to put these places out of business."  Full story

It seems like all the articles and blogs I've read about regulating strip clubs have focused exclusively on the legal aspects. I don't really care about that. (And it's tough to get a grip on the free-speech argument behind commercial lap dancing -- there's nothing free about it.)

I don't like strip clubs for one reason: when you objectify women, you hurt girls. And that's not good for anyone.

Let me refresh your memory: that's "sexretary" Elizabeth Ray speaking about her job performance for longstanding Congressman Wayne Hays of Ohio's 18th District, circa 1976.

As a teenager in Columbus when the Liz Ray-Wayne Hays scandal broke, I remember thinking, Ok, so maybe she doesn't need to have typing skills for her job, but she can't answer the phone? Is she retarded or what?

Of course, like most women who play the dumb blonde role, Ray was far from dumb. Despite her supposed inability to file manila folders, she wrote a best-selling "novel" -- The Washington Fringe Benefit, posed nude for Playboy, and tried her hand at stand-up comedy.

The story of how an Ohio U.S. Representative gave dictation to Liz Ray is recounted in John Boertlein's very amusing new book, Ohio Confidential: Sex, Scandal, Murder and Mayhem in the Buckeye State:

"Elizabeth Ray hit Capitol Hill in the early 1970s looking for a job and excitement. In her twenties by that time, Liz came from a deprived background in small-town North Carolina. Escaping marriage at an early age, Ray drifted from job to job and soon discovered her body to be a natural asset for getting what she wanted. She aspired to be an actress and spent time in New York and Hollywood. She became Miss Virginia 1975 during a stint on the beauty pageant circuit. Ray became intrigued with the idea of working in the most powerful political nerve center in the world. Upon arrival in D.C., she used her looks, sexual skills, and reputation to develop a network of liaisons with Washington's elite....

"By April 1974, Ray began working for Ohio's congressman Hays as a clerk. Immediately after, as she later told the Washington Post, she was never asked to do any Congressional-related work and reported to her Capitol Hill office only once or twice a week for a couple hours at a time.

"'Supposedly, I'm on the Oversight Committee,' she told the Post, 'but I call it the Out-of-Sight Committee.'

"By May 1976, Ray told reporters, Congressman Hays visited her once or twice a week for sex. At age 64, Hays had divorced his wife of twenty-five years only months earlier, and in April married longtime Ohio office secretary, Pat Peak, who continued to live in the Buckeye State....

"Hays apparently grew nervous of the relationship at one point, suggesting to Ray she come into the office at least a couple hours a day. Apparently growing tired of the relationship with the abrasive congressman, Liz spouted her reason to Washington Post reporters for going public with the scandal: 'I'm afraid of him. There are ten or fifteen offices [on the Hill] that I know girls have had to do this to get a job. Only mine is so cruel; the other congressmen at least treat them like a date'....

"Hays's response to the claim? 'Hell's fire! I'm a very happily married man!'

"But denial didn't work for Wayne Hays. He withdrew his name from the general election that year....[and] returned to Ohio, where he held office as a state senator briefly in 1979. He died in 1989 and was laid to rest in St. Clairsville." Liz Ray is alive, whereabouts unknown.

It's been 30+ years since Ohio has had a major political sex scandal. (I won't count Senator Mike DeWine firing office staffer Jessica Cutler for posting a Washington sexblog in 2004. Like Liz Ray, she wrote a novel about her experiences and posed for Playboy. She has since moved to NYC and has established a website (jessicacutleronline.com) where she solicits funds "for slutty clothes and drugs." Hey, a gal's gotta make an honest living.)

In the spirit of positivity, I'd like to thank all the Ohio pols for keeping their pants on lately (apparently).

I'm gonna ruffle some feather boas in saying this, but isn't it time to leave drag queen humor behind?

Contain it to private homes and clubs if you must, but mocking women at public events just isn't funny. It's lame and often mean-spirited.

How can you profess "diversity" and at the same time be so hurtful to half of humanity?

Here's part of an article that ran in the OSU Lantern 2/9/07:

Drag queen helps raise funds for scholarship By Andrew Kieta

The Brewery District's Club Diversity will host a night of musical performances and entertainment to raise money for the Mark Moffett Jr. GLBT Scholarship.

Notorious Columbus drag queen Sable "The Delectable Downtown Diva" Coate will host the Valentine-themed event entitled, "You've Gotta Have Heart"....

"We're trying to reach out to all different types of communities," said Paul Lockwood, events coordinator for the Ohio State School of Music. "Not just the OSU community, music community and gay community, but we also just want to do lots of different events that might appeal to different age groups and people with different interests."***

I posted a comment to this article about being offended by drag queens. Whoever responded was incredulous that I would suggest that drag queens were anti-women. The performers were merely "expressing their gender notions," he/she responded.

Whatever, dude. But if you really believe that, I'm sure you won't mind performing in black face and expressing your "racial notions." That ought to go over real well.

Change We Might Have To Believe In: Bush/Halliburton Coins.

Whoopee, another religious group has declared that global warming is a real threat.

Rachel Zoll of AP reports: "In a major shift, a group of Southern Baptist leaders said their denomination has been 'too timid' on environmental issues and has a biblical duty to stop global warming."

First off -- Duh. Of course Republican-leaning conservative churches have been too soft on environmental issues. The Baptists and Catholics are about 30 years late in getting on the global warming bandwagon.

The AP article goes on to say: "The signers of A Southern Baptist Declaration on the Environment and Climate Change acknowledge that not all Christians accept the science behind global warming. They said they do not expect fellow believers to back any proposed solutions that would violate Scripture, such as advocating population control through abortion."

Whoa! Back up! Not even Communist China with its one-child policy (which was instituted, btw, so that millions of people wouldn't starve to death) would advocate population control through abortion. What kind of convoluted thinking is that? Besides, the Bible says nothing about abortion.

NO ONE WANTS TO HAVE AN ABORTION, you ninnies. I wish we lived in a world without poverty, rape, incest, genetic diseases, maternal illnesses, contraceptive failure, unprotected moments of passion and human fallibility, but we don't.

Even the loudest science-deniers have to agree: people cause pollution. You can't get a grip on pollution (and especially CO2 emissions), if the population numbers don't stabilize. In some parts of the world, that means using birth control and encouraging couples to have two children or less.

I don't know what the Baptist policy is on birth control, but with Catholics it's a no-no. Advocating responsible stewardship of the earth and at the same time denying the rights of individuals to limit their family size is deeply hypocritical in my opinion. Only the arrogant believe their right to reproduce is limitless.

Back to the abortion issue: the way to reduce the number of abortions is not to ban it -- that only makes it unsafe -- but to prevent unplanned pregnancies from happening in the first place. That is precisely the agenda of the third annual Prevention First Lobby Day April 9 at the YWCA in Columbus. If you sign up before April 1, it only costs $10, and that includes lunch. (Leave it to the ladies to organize this low-cost but highly effective day of activism.)

Government is starting to get it together on abortion and environmental issues. It's your turn now, churches.

PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best web mail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dry-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call an inbred hillbilly with knife skills. Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, Mr. Thatcher, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control, maniacal behaviour.

You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants…

Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager male brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out of your ass, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or ' Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best, Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

If you're under 50, don't bother reading this, but if the phrase "Look that up in your Funk and Wagnalls" means anything to you, read on.

"Wacky World of Now" was the working title for Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In, the 40+year-old groundbreaking TV comedy series. With an unprecedented 50 share of the Monday night audience, Laugh-In was the original "must-see TV," brought to you in living color from beautiful downtown Burbank.

Do you remember....The Flying Fickle Finger of Fate Award...When Richard Nixon repeated the famous catchphrase in question form: "Sock it to ME?"... the always-adorable painted go-go girl Goldie Hawn doing the frug...Arte Johnson in German army helmet: "Verry interesting..."...the Farbulous Farkel Family wearing Wendy's wigs...chain smoker Dan Rowan: "Here's Dicky!"...the combative relationship between Gladys Ormphby and her suitor, Tyrone F. Horneigh, the Walnetto King..."Here come the judge"?  (It doesn't seem funny in print, but when Sammy Davis Jr. says it, it's hilarious.)

What set Laugh-In apart from other shows was the political humor. Creator and co-producer George Schlatter describes the state of the Sixties: "America was faced with an unpopular war, protest rallies, nuclear waste, chemical waste, gasoline shortages, student unrest, a tumbling stock market, questions about our leaders, election scandals, unrestrained military spending and a mistrust of anyone over 30." With the exception of "student unrest" -- college students today look pretty rested to me -- that sounds remarkably close to the Wacky World of Now.

What's different today is -- to paraphrase a Jack Nicholson character -- we can't handle the humor.

Today you can't make a joke on national TV like "Not only should abortion be legal, in some cases it should be retroactive." You won't hear priest-at-the-cocktail-party humor. And Ernestine (Lily Tomlin) won't be calling up Rush Limbaugh like she did William F. Buckley Jr.

Yes, we're way too cautious and litigious to laugh out loud about controversial or ethnic humor these days. (Although the tired old formula of mocking women Milton Berle-style still persists.)

Saturday Night Live is one of the few shows still willing to take a stab at political humor. It's cliche but true to say SNL isn't as funny as it used to be. What's really pathetic is the mainstream media reporting on reaction to SNL political skits as if this was actual news.

A show like Laugh-In wouldn't be commercially viable today, but can we still LOL at the Wacky World of Now? You bet your sweet bippy!

Even Lake Effect-hardened Clevelanders would agree that today's Ohio blizzard is really quite extraordinary, especially for central Ohio. There's a foot and a half out there, and it's still coming down.

I couldn't figure out why my basement was so dark. Snow had covered all the windows.

All the local affiliate TV stations preempted regular programming to give weather news. NBC's Mindy Drayer and Marshall McPeek bs'ed about the weather for about six hours -- that can't be easy. I imagine NBC producers are composing "Blizzard '08" theme music right now.

Seriously, local media -- especially the TV people -- do a good job when it comes to safety issues like severe weather. Thanks to them and the EMTS, highway patrols, cops, hospital workers and everyone else who helps out those in need during emergencies.

Let's take care of each other.

Hoo-boy, Phil Burress and his brethren are imposing their brand of morality on the rest of us again! This time, he's on my turf....

Conservative group sues Upper Arlington library over canceled meeting By Alan Johnson THE COLUMBUS DISPATCH

Citizens for Community Values, the Cincinnati-based social-conservative group, has filed a federal lawsuit charging that the Upper Arlington Public Library violated its constitutional rights by canceling a meeting.

A Feb. 27 gathering called “Politics and the Pulpit” was approved, then canceled a week later by the library, the lawsuit says.

Citizens for Community Values is the group that led the charge for the 2004 state ban on same-sex marriage and restrictions on strip clubs and adult businesses.

Library Director Ann Moore said in a letter to the group that the meeting violated the library’s policy prohibiting “religious meetings” on public property.

The Cincinnati group argues in the suit filed in U.S. District Court in Columbus that its First Amendment right to freedom of religion and speech and 14th Amendment right to due process were violated.

The suit also contends the library’s cancellation of the meeting violated the Ohio Constitution because it was discrimination based on religion by a government entity.

In 2005, library officials touched off controversy by deciding to allow gay publications to remain available for patrons despite considerable public opposition.***

Unlike most public libraries, Upper Arlington receives a large chunk of property tax money from UA residents, even though nonresidents have the same borrowing privileges. Spouse and I pay $141 per year to support the UA library system. Does that give us more clout than what a moralizing Cincinnati group has to say? Yes, I think it does.

Lay off, CCV. There are dozens of churches in UA: hold your meeting in one of these tax-exempt places.  In fact, the church I belong to in nearby Grandview already held a series of adult education classes on the topic of "Politics and the Pulpit." You're a couple years late, CCV.

I love UA library and support director Ann Moore. Three years ago, I happened to witness a young girl, goaded by her father, stealing stacks of Outlook from the library alcove. This led to a huge controversy over gay publication distribution. For the life of me, I can't understand why we as a community would listen to anyone who would encourage their child to steal!

While I wouldn't go to the extreme of suing the library, I have complained to the library about free speech issues myself. Since the gay publication fiasco, the library reached a compromise by displaying all free materials on specially constructed cabinets (our tax dollars at work). Outlook and Gay Peoples Chronicle are stacked on top shelves, so that their covers are out of view.

There are only two publications in the library cabinet which are not locally produced: lovematters.com and Hope and Healing, both religious-based, out-of-state anti-abortion newspapers which are more than three years old.  Lovematters contains false, alarming headlines such as "Abortion may be legal but it sure isn't safe" and infers that Planned Parenthood is a racist organization. Hope and Healing is a guilt-inducing publication focusing on the non-medically recognized "post abortion syndrome." I have complained about the preferential treatment given to these potentially dangerous publications to no avail.

Get your own room, gay bashers and misogynists! Your brand of "Community Values" doesn't reflect ours.

I've got a suggestion for the NCAA, the rules-police for college sports:  Change the rules so that coaches of big-money, male-only sports like football can support only girls and women's charities.

That way, we can avoid any allegations of unfair recruiting and level the playing field at the same time. It's a gender win-win.

As Rob Oller of The Dispatch points out in a Commentary today, there's always a controversy when it comes to the games men play....

"Tressel receives about five requests a day from one group or another asking him to appear at their function. He agrees to about 50 a year. The groups figure if they can land Tress for their awards banquet or fundraiser, then everyone goes home happy, which is what worries the NCAA. Leave it to the de facto policing agency to find a loser in a win-win situation.

"The latest Tressel sighting occurred yesterday in Fairfield, Ohio, where he attended the LaSalle fundraiser. Proceeds originally were to go to the LaSalle athletic department, but instead will benefit a nearby Catholic grade school in adherence to NCAA rules.

"The NCAA prohibits coaches from speaking at any event that raises money for a high school, because such an appearance could constitute a recruiting advantage. The NCAA argues, not without merit, that other football programs get barbecued every time a big-name coach like Tressel shows up at a community cookout. His presence is worth at least a few extra bumps in positive recruiting points for the Buckeyes."

As a non-Catholic, I wonder why an Ohio State icon like Tressel is doing a benefit for a religious organization, but that's another issue. With his starpower, Tressel could raise huge amounts for girls high school sports or organizations like ACTION OHIO or the Ohio Domestic Violence Network. And the NCAA wouldn't mind at all.

Think of it as Macho Offset, sort of like Carbon Offsetting. The cultural effects of male college bloodsports can be mitigated somewhat by female empowerment.

I originally intended to post this under the Humor & Sarcasm label, but the more I think about it, this isn't such a dumb idea. If all collegiate sports played by these rules, we'd all be better off.