Posts in the category Humor & Sarcasm

Video: Glenn Beck Attacks Me, As Well As ProgressOhio And Some Of Ohio's Top Lefty Bloggers!

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 15:53:39 EST

Glenn has been attacking Progressives lately, but I never thought he's stoop this low.

Look who's on Glenn Beck's blackboard today!

It's me, as well as ProgressOhio and some of Ohio's top Lefty Bloggers.

Watch It:

Put yourself or your friends on Glenn Beck's Blackboard today!

Video: Funny or Die's Presidential Reunion

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 10:54:04 EST

Barack Obama gets a surprise visit in the night from ex-Presidents Bush Sr., Bush Jr., Clinton, Ford, Reagan and Carter to get a few pointers about the Consumer Financial Protection Agency and why it's so important.

Watch It:

Funny or Die's Presidential Reunion from Will Ferrell

My Constituents Care Way More About Political Gamesmanship Than Jobs, Health Care, And The Economy By House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH)

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:45:16 EST

March 2, 2010 | Issue 46•09

It is my responsibility as an elected official to look out for the people back home, the voters who sent me to Washington. So, after 20 years representing Ohio's 8th District, I know what the good citizens of Montgomery, Preble, and Butler counties really want: someone who engages in the kind of calculated political gamesmanship that increases his standing in the Republican party while simultaneously hindering our country's legislative process at every conceivable turn.
I assure you, the last thing my voters need is some well intended, do-all-I-possibly-can-to-help-the-little-guy congressman running around Washington, working across the aisle, and fighting tooth and nail for jobs, health care, and financial reform to ensure their tax dollars never end up in the hands of banks capable of holding our entire economy hostage.
No, sir. My constituents deserve better.
They deserve a leader willing to roll up his sleeves and play the types of twisted, greedy political games that, by their very nature, tear apart the fabric of our democracy for the sake of assuring reelection. They deserve someone on their side who will ask the tough questions, such as how will painting Democrats as radical ideologues play in, say, Arkansas? Can we vote "no" on the health care bill and still make it look like we give two craps about the welfare of ordinary Americans? How can we twist positive news about the GDP into a negative for the Obama administration?
Trust me: If you talk to an unemployed, uninsured mother of two in Greenville, she'll tell you that jobs and reliable medical coverage come a distant second to the crafting of meticulous talking points that deftly omit the facts and reduce what should be honest discourse about our country's future to a series of contrived, easy-to-digest sound bites designed to sway crucial independent voters.
Read The Full Piece here

John Boehner: The GOP's Goldilocks

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 15:54:37 EST

When John Boehner saw the first Health Care Reform Bill he said, "why, this bill is to big".

And when John Boehner saw the President's proposal for tomorrows Health Care Reform Summit he said, "Oh my, this proposal is to small."

Then John Boehner unveiled the Republicans real strategy for Health Care Reform and he exclaimed, "now this feels just right to me".

Images from the great Dr. Zauis

Real Time New Rules: The Tea Party Isn't a Movement, It's a Cult

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 22:54:08 EST

Real Time is back and Bill Maher takes on the Tea Baggers in this edition of New Rules.

Maher: And three, cult members always attribute all of their problems to one simple explanation. Now here's an amazing statistic. In a recent poll almost ninety percent of Tea Baggers said that they thought taxes had either gone up or stayed the same under Obama. Only two percent thought they went down. But the reality is taxes have gone down for ninety five percent of working families taxes went down.

Think about that. Only two percent of the people in a "movement" about taxes named after a tax revolt have the slightest idea what's going on...with taxes.

So, it would be easy to just mock, except that those who fall under the control of cults aren't necessarily weirdoes, they're victims. And we shouldn't forget that these people are our relatives, our neighbors and the folks at the next table in the restaurant. Especially if that restaurant is Hooters and it's dollar wing Wednesday.

Watch It:

Visit Mr. Portman's Neighborhood: It's Right Where K-Street And Wall Street Meet

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 16:35:57 EST

Dems jab Portman with new web site

In their ongoing quest to paint former Bushie and GOP Congressman Rob Portman as the ultimate insider, Democrats in Washington have set up a new web site with a simple, understated objective: to bring "all of Rob Portman’s baggage to light – his intimate ties to Wall Street and corporate special interests, his implementation of the failed economic policies that wrecked Ohio’s economy, his unending support for out-of-control spending, and his deep ties to the disgraced Washington establishment."
Dubbed “Mr. Portman’s Neighborhood” - of course located at "the intersection of K Street and Wall Street" - the former George W. Bush budget director and trade representative is chided for "advocating for the same reckless, failed policies of the past, while opposing common sense efforts to jumpstart job creation, regulate Wall Street, and rein in out-of-control spending."
Portman takes a hit for accepting campaign contributions from major Wall Street firms who got federal bailout money in the fall of 2008 "during the Bush administration." Of course Portman wasn't even in Congress for that vote, which was supported by many Democrats, including a guy by the name of Barack Obama.
The Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee is behind the effort, which also slams Portman for costing Ohio "thousands of jobs."

Is It Brain Freeze? Or Are the Climate Change Deniers Around Ohio Just Blinded By The Science?

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 16:06:49 EST

Stephen Colbert & Jon Stewart go after the ridiculous snowstorm coverage in Fox "news'" anti-climate change propaganda designed to fill their global warming denying viewers' heads with more silliness.

Jon Stewart: Unusually Large Snowstorm

Aasif Mandvi freezes in New York, Sam Bee feels the heat in Australia, and Jason Jones reports on the darkness everywhere.

Watch It:

Stephen Colbert: We're Off to See the Blizzard

Based on the latest data from the Dopplest 9000 radar, Stephen can only assume that the sun has been destroyed.

Watch It:

And don't miss Rachel Maddow's take down where she explains the science of weather vs climate change so that even a fifth grader could understand it.

Rachel Maddow: Global Warming isn't the opposite of snow

Watch It:

Video: Press Secretary Robert Gibbs Scrawls Notes on Hand, Mocking Palin

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 15:27:09 EST

Following President Obama's surprise appearance at the White House press briefing, press secretary Robert Gibbs garnered laughter from the press corps by holding up his hand to reveal that he had written notes on his palm in black marker.

Gibbs' move was a jab at Sarah Palin, who was shown to have written notes on her hand at a speech at the Tea Party convention Saturday after making an implicit criticism of the president for using a TelePrompter.

Gibbs quipped that he had made the notes in case he and his family are snowed in by the storm approaching Washington. He said the words written on his hands included "eggs" and "milk" and that he had written "bread" but crossed it out.

A close up of the palm also revealed the words "hope" and "change," which Gibbs said he included "just in case I forgot that."

That was another crack at Palin, who asked Obama supporters, "How's that hopey-changey thing working out for ya?"

Watch It:

Righty Blogger Caught With "Pants on the Ground" Over Obama "Feet On The Desk" Image

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 05:51:53 EST

The Looney Left has truly been replaced by the Crazy Right.

Over at Return of the Conservatives (where "Sith Happens") one of Ohio's righty bloggers get's his Obama Derangement Syndrome on over this picture taken in the Oval office:

With apparent great indignation he writes:

"I'm sure by now many of you have seen the image above. It is disgusting. It is repulsive. It shows the overwhelming lack of respect and class that the current occupant of the Oval Office repeatedly displays."

Dude, try using "the Google":

Rush Limbaugh -- Dancing Fool

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 15:51:56 EST

It was all part of some kind of preliminary competition on Thursday night in advance of The Miss America Pageant, which airs tonight on TLC. The host was having a "Judge the Judges" contest when she got into the dance portion and Rush Limbaugh channeled his inner Elaine Benes.

El Rushbo is on the left of the judges panel in the video. Watch him shake it!

Watch It:

Supreme Court Ruling Spurs First Corporation To Run for Congress

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 23:24:44 EST

Following the recent Supreme Court ruling in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission to allow unlimited corporate funding of federal campaigns, Murray Hill Inc. today announced it was filing to run for U.S. Congress and released its first campaign video.

Watch It:

“Until now,” Murray Hill Inc. said in a statement, “corporate interests had to rely on campaign contributions and influence peddling to achieve their goals in Washington. But thanks to an enlightened Supreme Court, now we can eliminate the middle-man and run for office ourselves.”

Murray Hill Inc. is believed to be the first “corporate person” to exercise its constitutional right to run for office. As Supreme Court observer Lyle Denniston wrote in his SCOTUSblog, “If anything, the decision in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission conferred new dignity on corporate “persons,” treating them — under the First Amendment free-speech clause — as the equal of human beings.”

Murray Hill Inc. agrees. “The strength of America,” Murray Hill Inc. says, “is in the boardrooms, country clubs and Lear jets of America’s great corporations. We’re saying to Wal-Mart, AIG and Pfizer, if not you, who? If not now, when?”

Murray Hill Inc. plans on spending “top dollar” to protect its investment. “It’s our democracy,” Murray Hill Inc. says, “We bought it, we paid for it, and we’re going to keep it.”

Darlene McBride's "Take Back America" Tour

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 07:52:24 EST

Coming soon to a city near you!

Darlene McBride's "Take Back America" Tour

Watch It:

God Hates Jags!

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 08:19:04 EST

The 2010 Detroit auto show will be getting a political visit from more than just the Democratic side of Washington, thanks to a protest organized by national Tea Party activists set for Monday.

The anti-tax group National Tax Day Tea Party has called on supporters from southeast Michigan to "make a peaceful yet clear statement against government takeover of America," namely the Obama administration's 61% stake in General Motors.

Although the protest organizers criticize "the political elite" for getting into the auto industry, its stated goal wouldn't look out of place in a White House press release.

"What Michigan needs is a responsible auto industry that can become profitable, self sustainable and efficient in ways that provide more private jobs and economic success," the group says in its online flyer for the protest.

HERDING CATS

David Lore, Licking County Pro-Active Citizens — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 09:11:53 EST

It's inevitable that any discussion on television about congressional stalemate winds up with the same old tired analogy about the impossibility of it all. "It's like herding cats," one of the pundits will say with a resigned shake of the head.

But wait! Why is so impossible to herd cats? I've done it. And the same technique I used would probably work -- indeed, does work -- in Congress, given the right bait.

To explain, several decades ago, having decided to move from our rental farmhouse in rural Franklin County to Folk Lore Farm in McKean Township, I confronted the question of what to do about the dozen or so barn cats who we had named and thereby semi-adopted. The landlord certainly didn't want these feline tenants staying on, and I doubted Mayflower was up to the job of moving them.

So how did I herd this pride of wild yowlers some 40 miles to our (and their) new home?

Simple, with the right tools: one station wagon, parked in the barnyard, back lid open; one dish of tuna fish, set in the cargo bay for 5 minutes or so; one muleskinner driver, quick enough to slam shut the lid, squeeze into the driver's seat and survive the hour drive to Licking County while ignoring the chorus of "meows" and the distraction of a cat perched on each shoulder.

So you can herd them (briefly) but don't bother to try and corral them. Within several weeks, at least half of the transplants had wandered off into the wilds of Licking County, reducing (as Scrooge would say) our "surplus population."

To make this work in Congress, of course, you'd have to use a different bait (cash comes to mind) and put up with a lot of whining en route to one's legislative destination. And expect that the lawmakers once trapped can only be coaxed to stay put through the lure of more and more cash.

Wait, isn't this what lobbyists do every day? If herding cats was impossible, these guys would be out of business.

Now herding dogs (including Blue Dogs) is another topic, for another day.

The Daily Show: The Simple Time in American Hstory That Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly Want To Return To

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 07:30:37 EST

Even Better Than the Real Thing

John Oliver searches for the simple time in American history that Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly want to return to.

Watch It:

Video: Jon Stewart's Review Of 2009

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 13:56:00 EST

The Daily Show's recap of the past year.

Watch It:

Ohio Wingnuts Of the Year 2009: Number 3: State Senator John Husted

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 14:51:23 EST

GOP Golden Boy Jon Husted wins third place in the 2009 Ohio Wingnuts of the Year.

Husted maintained throughout the year that he lived in Kettering, Ohio and as such was a validly registered voter there though utility records and statements by his neighbors clearly indicated that this was not true.

Residency questions have dogged Husted, R-Kettering, for years and the complaints followed an Oct. 18 Dayton Daily News article that raised new questions about whether he lives in Kettering or at his wife's home in Upper Arlington where Husted admits his wife and family reside.

In testimony provided on January 7, 2009, Husted provided no evidence to overcome section (D) of ORC 3503.02 Residence determination rules.

D) The place where the family of a married person resides shall be considered to be the person’s place of residence; except that when the spouses have separated and live apart, the place where such a spouse resides the length of time required to entitle a person to vote shall be considered to be the spouse’s place of residence.

other than his personal statement that he lives in Kettering.

Watch a compilation of Husted's testimony before the Montgomery County Board of Elections:

Ultimately under Ohio Law Husted was found to not be a resident of Kettering for voting purposes by Ohio Secretary of State Brunner.

From her decision:

"Engaging in a legal fiction that a legislator remains a 'resident' of his district by virtue of holding office regardless of his actual, physical presence in the district violates this constitutional requirement".

"While Senator Husted's subjective testimony claims an intention to return to a 'fixed' habitation, the weight of the evidence based on his actions and those of his family under the relevant legal provisions tip the scale so clearly against his assertions that I am convinced and hold the firm belief that he is no longer a resident of Montgomery County and therefore is not eligible to vote there,"

So Jon ran to the all Republican Ohio Supreme Court. who overturned 7-0 the Secretary of State's finding in a tortured ruling reminisent of Bush V. Gore.

In doing so "Slick Jonny's" strategy backfired in that the Court had to support very strick voter challenge provisions in the Ohio law which in the future will provide election and voting protections for all Ohio voters that will go a long way to ending the Ohio GOP's ongoing voter caginjg strategies forever.

Ohio Wingnuts Of the Year 2009: Number 4: Minority Leader John Boehner

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 10:13:05 EST

ProgressOhio's 2007 Ohio Grinch of the Year came in this year as Number 4 in our 2009 Ohio Wingnuts of the Year even after setting back his personal terror alert to orange in response to the Senate passing a health reform package that included a 10% tax on indoor tanning.

The true story of his "rise to power" in the Republican part perhaps should have prepared us for the fact that in 2009 he remained the most despised politician in the country for much of the year.

If former Ohio Congressman Donald “Buz” Lukens hadn’t been caught having sex with a minor 18 years ago, Boehner might very well not be in Congress at all.
And if Florida Congressman Mark Foley hadn’t been caught sending sexually explicit messages to Congressional pages...and Jack Abramoff hadn’t been caught bribing politicians...and Tom DeLay hadn’t been caught up in conspiracy charges—in short, if the Republican Party hadn’t seen its best-laid plans go up in scandalous smoke over the last two years, then Boehner likely wouldn’t now be in leadership, let alone the minority leader.

Then there's this factoid about John Boehner . . . turns out his nickname in the halls of Congress and further up the Republican power structure really is "Boner".

BOEHNER LIKES TO say that he’s just a regular guy with an important job. He prefers that no one address him as “Congressman” but instead call him “John” or simply “Boehner.” Close friends and colleagues, President Bush among them, endearingly refer to him as “Boner.”

"Boner" consistently met our expectations for wing-nuttiness throughout the year. From his commentary on President Obama's first State of the Union address to his admission that he needed an anti-depressant to perform his duties as leader of the Republican House Caucus, John regularly delivered.

John's wingnut rating definitely rose when we found out that he doesn't know the Consitution from the Declaration of Independence, (a wingnut trademark) and when he called the Cap and Trade bill passed by the House "a pile of sh*t", he earned inclusion in Ohio's Stone Age 5.

Of course the "Boner" quote of the year was when with polls showing that 57% of Ohioans supporting the public option, he told reporters that he's never met "anyone" who supports the public health insurance option.

"This is about as unpopular as a garlic milkshake," Boehner said, noting that he had never consumed such a milkshake.

We wanted to deliver John's Wingnut Award to him personally at his office, but apparently he's in Florida golfing for the holidays.

Ohio Wingnuts Of the Year 2009: Number 5: "Coach" Dave Daubenmire

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 05:57:11 EST

“Coach” Dave Daubenmire, the local Christian talk radio host and blogger and the founder of Pass the Salt ministries is equal parts Glenn Beck conspiracy nutcase and Rod Parsley over the top fire-and-brimstone rhetoric.

Here's Daubenmire leering at a child, who is staring at a fetus he has out for display on the streets of Columbus.

Here's another picture of him burning a freshly-ripped Koran:

Earlier this year, he wrote of President Obama:

With his silver tongue, and his mulatto ancestry he was able to lure away enough-middle-of-the roaders to carry him on his magic carpet to the highest office in the land. [...]
But let there be no doubt, he is the marionette that the communist puppet masters had been grooming for years. A true Manchurian Candidate he was the perfect hand-picked front man programmed to do the communist’s bidding. With the help of the socialist media, the socialist labor unions, and the socialist entertainment industry he was swept into office with the bogus claim that he was America’s first “black” president. He was the first president “of color,” to be sure. But the color is red, not black.

On his radio broadcast he regularly spouts birther conspiracies and who can forget his Fox News-documented stalking of Congressman Zack Space in the name of killing health care reform.

"Coach" was fired from the London schools (what he now calls "goverment schools") in Madison County in the wake of a lawsuit resulting from his refusal to stop praying with his players. The school district settled the suit out of court with the ACLU, which cost Daubenmire his position.

Like all good wingnuts Daubenmire is a hypocrite. Little known is that while Daubenmire wants to tell everyone else how to live their lives, his own son is a convicted pedophile. Ummm, I seem to remember something about removing the log in your own eye first there, Dave.

Anyway, Daubenmire will be off to a good start to raise his wingnut ranking in 2010 when he holds the Shake The Nation teabagger gathering in Columbus featuring . . . wait for it . . . Alan Keyes on January 9, 2010.

John's "Terror Tan" Available at GOP's New Website

Dave Harding, ProgressOhio — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 07:25:16 EST

GOP launches new web site for Boehner

The National Republican Congressional Committee has launched a new site dedicated to making House Minority Leader John Boehner of West Chester the next speaker of the House.

One a the creative features of the new site is the launching for sale of a new product, apparently in response to the recent Congressional Budget Office report (pdf) saying that health-care reform will cover more than 30 million people while substantially cutting the federal deficit which included the following statement:

"The 5 percent excise tax on cosmetic surgery was eliminated, and a 10 percent excise tax on indoor tanning services was added."

Minority Leader Boehner wanted to assure Republicans everywhere that he does not use indoor tanning services, His orange look is from a spray on product which the GOP is now offering for sale as a fund raising tool under the name, "John's Terror Tan" on the newly constructed site.